Many of the people who know me, and I mean REALLY know me, have doubts about me as a kinky person. They seem to think I'm all talk and no action. It's not surprising. They don't exactly know my deepest, inner most self, but they're still very, very wrong.
So what if I'm not so much about pain. I've been through enough painful experiences in my life that I'm kind of done with that whole thing. Pain no longer brings me pleasure, but annoyance. I'm filled with moments of "hit me with that crop one more time and I'll break it over you, which will be rather impressive as crops are designed not to break easy, and I know what kind of force THAT takes!" Can you tell I feel strongly about the subject?
Sure, I pretend to enjoy it because whoever I'm with gets a kick out of it. In some cases, it's just out of boredom. I have to admit, my last experience with a violet wand left me yawning. Yes, it stung. Yes, the feeling was rather intense, but it didn't DO anything for me. If anything it lead me down the road of "yes, yes...can we get this over with?" I don't want my sexuality to turn into "Lay back and think of England" and "beige...the ceiling should be beige..." That's not what I'm in it for. Let me have my moment of selfishness, if you would, because everyone else in the world feels full well able to have theirs.
Yes, I like sensations, and some people consider that to be pretty tame. It's not about the wild, kinky side of me. It's about that whole aesthetic. There's nothing more beautiful and luscious than silk, draped and dragged enticingly over the body. Hot wax just trickling down the side has it's own intimate beauty, never mind the art that can be created with it. There is a delicious nature to textures, smells, and feelings. It's that part of me that likes to be surrounded by beauty and luxury.
Bondage is another interest of mine, but it's in no way sexual or a release of control. In truth, I just love bondage because I find it beautiful. There's nothing more lovely than a woman tied up with beautiful knot work and ropes in complimentary colors. There's an art to twisting the body into position for interesting binds, through the curve of the hip, the arch of the back, whatever beautiful postures the body may take. That being said, I've also seen some hideous bondage that simply deserves the dark of night with no other explanation for it. It's an eyesore, but I guess some people get into that.
Of course, in saying I dislike pain and it bores me doesn't mean I don't find interest in other people's pain. It's wonderful to see what makes people tick, and pain is one of those many sensations. I want to see every emotion cross their face, and I want to know them so intimately that I know what to expect at any moment. I want to know what causes them fear, pleasure, and everything else the mind can think of. I have a violent side, I've been told, and I really like indulging in it. It's not so much that I'll lose control and go wild and crazy on tearing someone to pieces, though I've known people who are that kind of violent. I like hurting people. Why? Because it's fun...and sometimes...just sometimes...they enjoy it too. Is that such a bad thing? I like causing fear. I like to intimidate. In truth, some people like that in a woman. Some people are turned on by pain, fear, intimidation, and all the rest. It doesn't have to be sexual for me, or them for that matter, but sex isn't the only way to get enjoyment in life. I think all too many people forget that kink isn't always about sex. Actually, there are some kinky people out there who live with their kinky lifestyle and sex never mixing.
Then there's the softer side of me, the more innocent side of me, and that's the one that enjoys age play. When first I introduced to the local scene, the man I was with stated that my regression age was about twelve. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and make some comment about how he should keep his mouth shut when talking about subjects he clearly knows nothing about, but I didn't want to be rude. I just smiled sweetly and told the woman who asked that I typically regress to about the age of seven, just old enough for tea parties and Victorian elegance. Actually, at that age everything about the Victorian lifestyle appeals, so I have to wonder if it's a true regression or more accurately just "play". What I didn't tell her then, and am admitting now is I've also had another age, I thought five but I'm thinking in attitude it's closer to three or four, that often becomes a reality for me. I suppose I'll talk about that another time, but let's just leave it with those being completely non-sexual.
Finally, there's role playing, and for me it can get quite in depth and realistic. I take it much farther than your average "role playing" fantasy. There isn't the two dimensional nun and priest or pirate and wench. I can go all out with elaborate stories, set-ups, and backgrounds. Can you tell I play tabletop and LARP RPGs in the mundane world too? If only I got into writing much of it. I bet I could make a fortune.
So, that's pretty much the basics of what makes me kinky. I'm sure I'll go more in depth on all of it at some other time. For now, this is all you're getting.
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