Talk About a Vacation!

It's been over a month since I've written, well...anything.  I have to say, I feel like I've been slacking on that one.  There's a million reasons why I haven't written, and a million more reasons why I think I should have been keeping right along.  I guess it just is what it is.

Since I've last written I've learned a lot.  I've changed a lot in some ways too.  I know you don't want to hear all of the stupid mundane stuff.  If you wanted to hear about that you'd ask me about my life, my family, and all of that.  This blog isn't about my regular, normal life, or as normal as it ever gets.  Still, I've changed in a lot of other ways too.

This past year I've learned a lot about trust, particularly who not to trust.  I've learned a lot about betrayal, particularly in feeling betrayed.  I've learned a lot about being hurt.  I've questioned my desire for a poly relationship.  I've felt like I betrayed someone I cared about very much by a decision I later thought was quite stupid, only to find out that the reaction wasn't my fault at all apparently.  It's been a strange year.

Coming into the new year I've gotten a fresh start.  I've started to look at the world differently.  In some aspects of my life, I'm happy with it.  In others, I'm really needing things to change for the better.  Yes, we're still talking about this side of my life, though it seems to filter into all aspects of my life.

There have been strange thoughts that have floated through my head this year.  In particular, this relates to the poly community.  There are a couple people I wish I could just put myself out there with.  I wish I could just lay it on the line and let them know how I feel about them, and then just see where things go, but I really can't.  Something is holding me back.  I guess I'm still afraid of getting hurt.

Well, this vacation of mine has lasted long enough.  I think it's really time I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start talking about this side of my life again.  I'm not doing myself justice to do otherwise.  I think it's good for me, and who knows, it may just help someone else out there.