Almost A Month Later

Yes, it's been a while.  Part of that's because I feel I have nothing to write.  Part of that is because I just don't know what to write about sometimes.  Most of that has been because life is, well, chaotic, and sometimes you just don't know which direction to turn.  It's awkward, challenging, and sometimes quite difficult.

Right now I've been given an opportunity to be in a situation that could be wonderful, or could be the most awkward thing in the world.  I can't know before I decide, which makes figuring it out that much harder.  What's worse is that avoiding the situation all together may not help at all.

This is the situation.  I have a partner/lover right now.  He's a steady in my life, dad of one of my kids, all that good stuff.  He's the person I've come home to every night for the past two years, though, for a while it was a room mate situation, not a partner situation.  He moved in almost two years ago today (ironically, he moves in year one, our son is born on almost the first anniversary of that date...) and we've had our bumps in the road, but it's just what relationships are about.  However, now that may get thrown into some strange kind of chaos.

You see, I've been talking to a good friend again, an incredible flirt, and someone I really think is, well, great, a lot of fun to be around.  There was the potential there of something happening before, but due to a variety of reasons, it never happened.  Now it has the potential to happen again.  More interesting, there's the possibility that we'll all end up in the same house together.  Then again, there's the chance that we can't make that happen too.  I'm not sure which situation would be more favorable and less awkward.  You see, I'm not sure I want to pursue that kind of relationship with him, and I'm not sure that I don't.  Until I make that decision, I don't know whether or not it will be awkward on my end.  I don't want to put myself into a situation where something just happens.

I don't know.  The poly world is strange and sometimes frustrating.  I guess I'll have to figure out where things will go from here as they happen...  I just hope it's not too crazy...