The News...

My partner is, well, an idiot.  He's found a great way to get me a lot of unwanted attention.  He tells everyone that he and I are separating for a while and he needs to find somewhere to go on Facebook.  Well, several men who have been interested in me and just waiting for their chance have decided to track me down and check in on me.  Isn't that fantastic?  Given that I have no interest in pursuing anything right now?  I don't know.  I just don't know what to think.  I'm so incredibly frustrated.  I mean, I'm poly, not a whore!

Unfortunately, I think for a few of these guys, that's what they're thinking.  I know a few of them who are just looking to have a little fun, and I honestly don't think I'm up for a little fun, at least not like that.  Just because I may soon be single doesn't mean I want every man around town.

With my partner, will he and I get back together after this separation?  We'll have to see.  He's got to earn me back at this point.  All the mundane stuff, I don't know.  I love him, but I shouldn't have to support him when I've got kids to worry about and bills to pay.  It's just not fair to me.  I feel horrible about saying that.  Hell, a part of me doesn't even want to give him the chance.  I just want to run away and start over with someone new from a point of trust, but we have a baby together, so it's simply not going to be that easy.

And now I'm in even more of a confusing situation.  So, that friend that my partner kind of exposed my feelings about, he and I have been talking.  Actually, he's been staying at my house.  I kind of fell asleep on him last night.  He and I talked for four hours tonight.  It was just so natural!  I didn't even realize four hours had gone by!  I just felt like myself.  I talked about things I hadn't talked about in years, things I wasn't comfortable talking about, things that made me laugh.  I was actually a little surprised by his sense of honor, something that's all too rare these days.  He's a good guy.  I really do love him and I'm glad he's in my life.

So, in all of this I've been put off by people who want me.  I've been defended by a man who actually found it in him to admit he loves me!  And for anyone reading this, there is a big difference between loving someone and being in love.  He's offered to try and avert a situation that could get quite messy if it's not handled right.  I've got the whole thing with my partner, which I'm done crying over for now.  I wish that one didn't have to hurt, but he's got to get his life together.  I've also had my very good friend remind me that I've pretty much got my life together.  It's just ironing out the details at this point.  It's a wash of good and bad.  Honestly, I just hope it all works out in the end...