I don't know what's wrong with me, or maybe it's something right with me. I'm finding that just when I think I've found enough, guess what? Nope, not enough! I've finally found some sense of what I want in life and there the world goes, turning everything on it's head. It's really driving me insane. I mean, I think if everyone was poly, this totally wouldn't be a problem at all, but the world isn't that way. It sucks...seriously...
Yup, I've got a boyfriend that probably doesn't deserve me in most people's eyes, but I'm not ready to be done with him yet. Then there's that friend of mine that always runs away. I really miss him right now. I seriously wish there was a chance something could have happened between he and I, but I'm not even sure he'll be around at all anymore. Then there's this other guy I know, who I just don't understand my attraction to. I mean, I really do, but at the same time my brain keeps screaming, "No! This can't be happening! There's just something wrong with me!" Then the neighbor confessed that he's got a thing for me. He's adorable, but...I don't know. Why can't women be more like that with me? Seriously? I'm just really kind of lost in this whole thing. I just don't know what I want right now and I highly doubt anyone would be okay with everyone just letting things happen.
I just think this could all be solved if the whole world were poly. I wouldn't have to worry about what is seen as right and wrong. I wish that people would just say how they feel candidly and with no fear, because then I'd have no reason to worry. I'd always know everything would be okay. I mean, for me it's easier to get hurt if you just get it out of the way instead of just get it over with. It's just irritating.
So, yeah, I'm kind of in a weird place right now. Maybe some day I'll write about it, but right now I think I just need to limit the details until I'm ready to let go. Who knows who reads this thing, you know? I don't know. We'll see what happens...
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